Please Don't Let Go
by Anasatsia98
Summary: Elizabeth O'Brian could never forget Jamie Fraser. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't forget him... she didn't want to. Jamie Fraser could never forget Elizabeth O'Brian. He remembered her every detail and how when she smiled, a dimple appeared on her left cheek. But when Elizabeth finally sees Jamie again, she can't help but worry the man she loves has changed. Rated T-M
1. Prologue

Elizabeth O'Brien could never forget Jamie Fraser no matter how much she wanted to or hard she tried to.

She could never forget what he did.

Or what he claimed he _had_ to do.

She had grown up with the Fraser boy and was often seen running around his family with him chasing after her, their hoots of laughter and giggles echoing in the countrysides open air. But, as she was there with him when they had their childish fun, she was there when his father punished him for his immature behavior. The comfort she offered him became a routine as he would run towards her after his father's reprimand.

She was there when he fell off his horse at age eleven and broke his leg, the same as she was there when he got so terribly sick, sleeping next to his bed and praying morning and night for him to get better. She even refused to leave when her father left, stating that she knew her father would come back but she wasn't sure if Jamie would.

She was there when Captain Randall attacked the Fraser farm and led Jenny away, kicking and screaming. And she was there when Randall's men led him away, fighting against their grip and getting back up every time they pushed her down.

Elizabeth O'Brien was _there_.

Jamie Fraser could never forget Elizabeth O'Brien, not that he ever tried to.

He was there when she accidentally fell into the stream while she tried to catch some fish, and he was there when her sister, Fiona, was born and when her mother died, cradling her as she broke down in sobs.

He was there when she helped him back to the house after he broke his leg, laughing when she tripped over a stick and through the pain when she dropped him. But, as she was there for him, he was there for her when she dropped a scalding pot of boiling water on herself after she tripped on her dress skirt.

He was there when she later caught his sickness and stayed by her bedside, praying morning and night. Not even the threat of a punishment was enough to get him to leave the bedside, to leave her.

He was there when Captain Randall attacked his farm and led his sister away and watched as soldiers grasped at Elizabeth, his blood boiling and letting out a roar as one of them groped her breast.

He remembered watching the blood run down her chin after a soldier backhanded her, and he launched himself at the soldier, barely getting halfway before he was tackled and beaten. He tried to fight them off, to get to Elizabeth, but there were too many of them.

He watched as the tears streamed down Elizabeth's face as she tried to reach for him, calling out his name as they forced him away, and he closed his eyes. It was easier to listen than it was to see her in pain, to see the pain he could have prevented if he were stronger.

He was _there._

And as Elizabeth watched Jamie fade into the distance, she couldn't help but close her eyes and slam her fist into the dusty, dirt road. Her sobs quieting as she collected herself, knowing that she wasn't going to get anywhere just by crying about it. Slowly, she stood up and stared down the road he was taken, her heart aching as her mind raced.

Yes, Elizabeth would never forget Jamie Fraser, and that day she made a promise to herself.

She promised that she would be strong and _fight back_.

She promised herself that she wouldn't allow Captain Randall or any of his soldiers to hurt her again.

She promised herself and Jamie that she would find him again.


	2. Sassenach

_People disappear all the time._

 _Young girls run away from home, children stray from their parents and are never seen again, housewives take the grocery money and a taxi to the train station._

 _Most are found eventually._

 _Disappearances, after all, have explanations._

 _Usually._

 _Strange, the things you remember._

 _Single images and feelings that stay with you down through the years._

 _Like the moment, I realized I'd never owned a vase._

 _That I'd never lived any place long enough to justify having such a simple thing._

 _And, how at that moment, I wanted nothing so much in all the world as to have a vase of my very own._

 _It was a Tuesday afternoon._

 _Six months after the end of the war…_

 _The end of the bloodiest and most terrible war in human history, grows fainter with each passing day._

 _But I can still recall every detail of the day when I saw the life I wanted sitting in a window._

 _Sometimes, I wonder what would've happened if I'd bought that vase and made a home for it._

 _Would that have changed things?_

 _Would I have been happy?_

 _Who can say?_

 _Even now, after all the pain and death and heartbreak that followed, I still would make the same choice_

~8~

In all her years, Elizabeth never imagined that her life would've taken such a turn.

Jenny had always told her that she wouldn't have made a good housewife. Elizabeth had no interest in boiling sheets or cleaning up around the house, and her lack of skill in cooking was so frightfully low that Jenny was concerned that the young woman would end up starving because she wasn't able to make an edible meal. But, much to Elizabeth's joy and Jenny's surprise, she was able to bake a few snacks that could pass off as edible... as long as Elizabeth was the only one eating it.

Elizabeth snickered quietly to herself. If only Jenny saw her now, three years after leaving Castle Leoch, as a maid for the Castle. She had no other choice but to learn how to boil sheets, shine shoes, make beds, clean, and cook if she wanted to stay in the castle. As much as Elizabeth didn't want to stay, she knew that it was her only chance to see Jamie again. That is if he ever came home again.

Taking a deep breath, Elizabeth pushed a stray piece of her hair out of her face, cursing the long curls that had fallen out of the bun she had tried to restrain them in. She had been assigned the task of washing the floors; her least favorite job. Her arms were sore, her eyes watering from the countless times she had accidentally wiped them, forgetting the soap on her hands, and her back ached from the constant bending over.

Yes, it had been three years since had last seen Jamie. _Her_ Jamie. She shuddered as memories of the day he was taken away flashed through her mind. For two years, she hadn't heard a single word from him. There was no letter, no messenger, _nothing_. It wasn't until she had been walking across the courtyard last year that she had finally gotten the news she had been waiting for. She could remember that day like it only happened moments ago. She had been bringing back some herbs for Glenna when a young lad had run up to her and handed her a crinkled piece of paper. Suspiciously, Elizabeth had opened it before her hand flew to her mouth as her eyes skimmed the familiar handwriting that was scrawled across the tea-stained paper.

Finishing the floors, Elizabeth stood up, wincing as the sound of her bones popping back into place echoed throughout the hallway, before sighing in relief. The window in the corner of the hall let in a gentle breeze, the coolness contrasting with the warm beads of sweat that had started to drip down her face. Almost as though the wind were calling her name, Elizabeth made her way across the hall before leaning out the window and staring at the fields below her. The sound of children laughing, men shouting, and women singing echoed throughout the courtyard and out into the fields. It was such a beautiful day. The grass was a vibrant green, the sky was a clear blue with not a single cloud to be seen, and the sun creating a warm halo across the land. Elizabeth shivered as a cool breeze caressed her pale face as her inky locks whipped around.

In the gentle afternoon, Elizabeth couldn't help but let her mind wander to Jenny. Her closest friend and the person left to take care of the farm all alone. _It must be hard for her_ , Elizabeth thought, _with both Jamie and I gone, she has to take care of that place all by herself_. As concerned as Elizabeth was with Jenny, she knew that the older girl could take care of herself. Jenny was three years older than Elizabeth and two years older than Jamie. She had been taking care of the two of them since their mothers had died. Thoughts of Jenny and her well-being quickly shifted to thoughts of Jamie. He had not sent her a letter in months and her heart quickened at the thought of what could've happened to him. It had been three years since she had seen him and she didn't know if he were a changed man? Did he miss her as she missed him? How had he changed, if at all? Was his physique different or did his character change too?

Deciding that she couldn't postpone her work any longer, Elizabeth grabbed the loose strands of hair and tied her them back into a tighter bun before grabbing her bucket of soapy water. She not only was a maid of the castle, but also the local 'healer'. Growing up on a farm with Jamie, she had quickly learned how to take care of him when he had got injured, but she was no professional. She understood what certain plants could do and how they could be used to heal a person, she could help set a broken bone, but she couldn't cure everything. There had been times when mothers had begged her to heal their ill children, but she knew not what was wrong with them.

Humming a small tune under her breath, Elizabeth put away her bucket before walking outside to pick some flowers that littered the yard. She had planned to give some to Glenna as a thank you- the poor woman had tried to teach her how to make a duck pie. Even though it was not always permitted for servants to leave the castle without permission, she had learned that if no one saw you exit the castle and enter the castle, There would be no trouble. Elizabeth laughed to herself as she tightened her cloak around her small frame. She really had become more devious since she had lived here.

As she crossed through the courtyard, the sound of horses caught her attention and Elizabeth turned her head to see a herd of people rushing across the bridge. Her brows furrowed in confusion as she caught a glimpse of a woman wearing an inappropriately short dress sitting on one of the horses. Although whores were common in the castle, Elizabeth had never seen a soldier bring one into the castle from a battle. Elizabeth tilted her head at the thought, maybe she was still naive and hadn't learned the soldiers' code. However, a flash of auburn from behind the woman soon was the only thing that held Elizabeth's attention. The man slowly lowered the woman to the ground, and Elizabeth couldn't help but notice his strong build, her mind immediately thinking that he had been a field worker before a soldier. Elizabeth watched with curious eyes as the man slid off the horse, noticing his grimace of pain. Her eyes trailed up his form in search of a wound or a bandage when they landed on an oddly casted sling. _Probably a dislocated shoulder,_ Elizabeth pursed her lips.

The man whispered something to the woman and Elizabeth went to make her way past the two when he suddenly looked up, causing not only her body but her heart, to stop with a jolt. She couldn't forget those eyes no matter how much she tried-which wasn't much at all. She had seen them sparkle with happiness, burn with anger, and shimmer with tears.

A hoarse whisper left her throat,

"Jamie?"

And suddenly the sky met the earth.


	3. Castle Leoch

Elizabeth didn't really know what to feel as she stared at Jamie, and it seemed as though Jamie, too, had no idea what to feel as he stared at Elizabeth. In the reality of the situation, both of them thought that they would never see each other again. Jamie had been taken away from Elizabeth and her only hope of seeing him again was if he ever decided to come back to Castle Leoch or their family farm, and Elizabeth thought that was never going to happen.

Maybe she was feeling rage, anger, betrayal, hurt all coiled up together… but Elizabeth mostly felt betrayed. Why hadn't Jamie told her that he was coming back? He could have sent her a letter. The deeper her mind traveled into her now twisted thoughts, the more she could only stare at Jamie with wide, sad eyes and a face that screamed, 'why didn't you come back to me sooner?'. In her mind, the only reasonable answer of why Jamie never wrote to her telling her that he was coming back was because he didn't want her to know that he was coming back. Even though they had vowed to each other that they would always try and find a way home, maybe Jamie wanted a new home. One by one, the scouts dispersed and each headed in his own direction till it was only her, Jamie, Glenna, and the whore.

Swallowing, Elizabeth raised her voice only loud enough for Glenna to hear her, "I see that this is all taken care of. I'll head back to my chores."

As she walked away, Elizabeth tried not to make it look as though she were trying to run away. If Jamie really did want another woman in his life, she would walk away with enough courage to show him that she didn't care. That she was better off without him like she had been these last few years. She wanted to show him that she didn't need him to survive and that she had survived without him perfectly well. So, with her head held high, Elizabeth calmly walked back into the castle, deciding not to look back.

Unbeknownst to her, Jamie did watch her walk away. Sparing a glance at Claire, Jamie quickly informed Glenna of the situation at hand, "Murtagh found her. Dougal said we must bring her along with us. So…"

"So." Glenna Fitzgibbons was not a fool. She had been working long enough with Elizabeth to know her connection with Jamie and that he was the nephew of Dougal and his brother. Even though Jamie's ranking could be considered to be higher than hers, Glenna did not miss the waver in Elizabeth's voice or how her eyes glistened when she turned to away. "Well… Claire." The disdain in her voice was evident.

Claire only nodded cautiously towards the woman in front of her.

"Come with me. We should find you something to eat. Something to wear that is a bit more…" Glenna's eyes looked at Claire with disapproval, "Well… a bit more."

As Glenna turned to go, she caught Jamie's eye and nodded towards the side door, "You should go see her and fix this," She roughly gestured to Claire, "misunderstanding."

Jamie gave Glenna a quick nod before grabbing his bag and throwing it over his good shoulder. He turned to leave when Claire suddenly made a movement to stop him, causing him to slow his pace.

"He's hurt." Claire gestured to his wrapped arm and the sling she had made.

"Oh, don't you worry, dearie." Glenna smiled as she pulled Claire along, nodding her head to the door Elizabeth went through so Jamie could find her, "He's already got someone to fix him all up."

~8~

A loud clang could be heard from the Healer's room as Elizabeth kicked a bucket to the side, watching it hit the wall and fall over, spilling the water within it. She hurried over to the bed before sitting down and burying her head into her hands, taking deep breathes as she tried to stop the tears from falling. Sniffling, Elizabeth gave a light laugh before wiping her eyes, feeling relief when she noted that they were dry.

"Come on, Liza." She cooed to herself as she grabbed a rag, "Yer gonna be fine. Ye always are in the end."

As she bent down to clean up the spilt water, a loud knocked on the door caught her attention and she halted her movements before calling out, "Who is it?"

"An injured lad in need of assistance."

She knew that voice.

"Well, yer going to have to wait," Elizabeth said as she angrily scrubbed the floor, "there's already a line of people in front of ye."

"Is that so, Lassie?" Elizabeth shrieked as Jamie's voice appeared right next to her ear and she whirled around, clutching the rag to her chest.

"Don't do that!" Elizabeth pressed her hand to her racing heart and closed her eyes, inhaling deeply, "Didn't ye hear me say that there is a line."

"Ah, I did." Jamie said as he sat down on a stool, "But I was hoping that ye'd make a special exception for me."

"And why should I do that?" Elizabeth challenged, already grabbing a fresh cloth from a table and dipping it in warm water. She had yet to look at Jamie for she refused to give him the satisfaction of her attention.

"Because I think I'm the most injured in this line," Jamie stated before lowering his voice to a whisper and looking around to make sure that no one was looking at them, even though they were the only people in the room. "Besides, I think they're all here just to be attended to by a pretty lass."

Elizabeth fought to keep the blush from coloring her cheeks and sighed, before taking in the view of the man in front of her. A frown crossed Elizabeth's face as she stared at the cuts and bruises that littered Jamie's body. And, even though she was still mad at him, she couldn't help but notice how attractive he looked. Missing a person for quite some time makes one realize details about them that were never noticed before. Like the freckles that littered one's cheek, or how their hair rippled in loose curls for example.

"Alright then, let's have a look at ye." Eliza said before she gently pulled at the fabric of Jamie's shirt as he continued to stare at her, "Yer going to need to take this off."

Once his shirt was removed, Elizabeth started her task and gently dabbed at the cuts that covered his body, making sure that they were clean. She knew that he was staring at her. For as much as he had changed over these past years, she had too. She knew that she had lost the leftover baby fat that had once clung to her cheeks and that she had become much leaner than before. Lifting buckets of water and scrubbing filthy floors every day tended to build up muscle.

"Have ye been eating well?" Jamie's question startled her, but she kept calm and continued to clean his wounds.

"Yes," Elizabeth said as she stood up and walked over to the bowl of light red water before dropping the bloodstained cloth into it, and grabbing some clean fabric. "I eat what they serve me. No more, no less."

"Do they serve ye well then?" Jamie could see the hollowness of Elizabeth's cheeks as she leaned over his shoulder to wrap it.

"They serve what they are allowed," Elizabeth responded stiffly, tying a knot as she finished the new casted sling. Stepping back, Elizabeth made sure that he was all cleaned up before placing the rest of the fresh linens on the table, "Ye can leave now."

The scrapping of the stool signaled that Jamie was about to leave and Elizabeth refrained herself from looking at him. However, to her surprise, he didn't. Instead of leaving, Jamie had walked over to Elizabeth and stood behind her. She could feel his hot breath hit her ear and felt as though her legs had become one with the ground.

"Nothing happened between Claire and I, Liza." Jamie's voice had a deep, hush tone to it and Elizabeth stared at the table in front of her. Jamie gently pressed his lips against Elizabeth's cheek, smiling at the blush that flooded her cheeks, "I missed you, _mo_ _ghrá._ "

~8~

Elizabeth missed the feast that night due to the fact that she didn't want to go, even though she had to. Confiding in the Glenna, Elizabeth told her that she was not yet ready to see _Claire_ or whatever her name was. Elizabeth did not want to hate this young woman who seemed to be confused and scared, but Elizabeth felt insecure when it came to her.

Claire seemed to have a certain aura around her that made men and women question who she was and why she was here. Sure, everyone was wary of the young lass, but her aura was… powerful. Elizabeth had only been in a room once with Claire, and she felt the need to attend to her every need. She wanted to make sure that she was happy with her stay? If that was a good way to put it, and Elizabeth hated that feeling.

Not only did Claire have a confident aura around her, but she was extremely pretty. Her hair fell gracefully in loose curls to her shoulder while her eyes carried a lovely blue to them. They reminded Elizabeth of a clear stream that ran through the woods near her house. Claire was also taller than Elizabeth. While Claire stood around five-foot-six, Elizabeth stood at a measly five-foot-three. Missing the feast would have its punishment, but they were all something Elizabeth would be able to handle.

A few days later, Claire took the opportunity to speak to the young women with dark, curly hair and green eyes. Ever since coming to the castle, Claire had noticed the young woman's disdain in her appearance and had felt the glares that she had thrown at Claire. Asking around, Claire had found out that her name was Elizabeth and she had been working at the castle for around five years. Claire often found Elizabeth watching Jamie from the window as he trained the horses or play- fought with the stable boys. It wasn't until her fifth day of staying at the castle Claire was finally able to speak with Elizabeth.

"I thought I would find you here." Claire's voice rung out so clearly that it echoed down the hall and caused Elizabeth to jump, turning away from the window, "I've noticed that you're always here around this time."

Claire watched as the young woman's faced morphed from surprise to shock to suspicion.

"Are ye spying on me?" Elizabeth's voice was clear and for the first time, Claire noticed the light tone it had to it. Her voice still seemed soft, even though it was expressing anger and distrust towards her, and it felt peaceful to listen to. It somehow reminded Claire of the nights when her mother would brush her hair and tell her stories of princess and dragons, the mystery and excitement echoing in her mother's voice.

"No," Claire immediately defended herself as she found dark green eyes staring at her, "It was just something I observed these past few days."

The dark green eyes fluttered as they observed Claire. It was almost as if Elizabeth was trying to decipher if Claire was telling the truth, which she was.

"I see." Elizabeth's eyes immediately looked back out the window and she was once again staring at Jamie's form. Claire observed the small woman for the first time and noticed an elegant beauty that hung around her. Long, loose, dark curls were thrown into a bun on the top of her head and the small tendrils that had escaped hung next to her face. Her cheeks and nose were lightly dusted with freckles and long, dark eyelashes framed her deep green eyes. She carried herself with strong confidence and Claire thought of how much she would have succeeded in her actual time.

"He's a nice man, you know." Claire found herself saying as she, too, stared out the window and at Jamie, "You should talk to him if you fancy him instead of staring at him."

Claire watched as Elizabeth turned and looked at her with a cold gaze, "And who said that I fancy him."

"Well," Claire began, looking back out the window, "For one thing, your gaze seems to soften every time you look at him, there hasn't been a day that I haven't seen you looking out this window, and" Claire chose her next words carefully, "You look at him with love."

When there was no response or retaliation, Claire turned to look at Elizabeth and was shocked to see the woman already staring at her, rage flickering in her eyes. Elizabeth did not speak for she didn't know what to say. She wasn't angry with Claire, she was angrier at the fact that Claire had caught her being weak.

"Ye should leave." Elizabeth spoke with venom in her voice, "He's heading in, probably looking for ye." Ignoring Claire's shocked face, Elizabeth turned to leave when Claire's voice rang out once more.

"What have I done to cause to you to hate me so much."

Elizabeth froze in her steps and took a deep breath before turning to face Claire, "Do ye have a husband?"

"I had one."

"Did ye love him?"

Claire looked at her, shocked that she asked such a question, "Of course."

"Then how would ye feel when ye saw the man ye love with another woman."

"I would be furious with him." Claire didn't understand the point of the conversation they were having.

"And the woman he was with?"

"I would hate her."

"Then ye understand how I feel right now."

Claire looked at Elizabeth, confused, "I'm not sure I understand what you mean."

"I don't appreciate seeing my husband for the first time in three years with another woman." And with that, Elizabeth spun on her heel and headed back towards the kitchen while Claire looked at her in shock and, at that moment, Claire finally understood.

~8~

Rushing to the stables, Claire finally allowed herself to catch her breath when she saw Jamie. Hiking up her dress, she quickly sprinted to where the young man stood grooming the horse and stared at him in shock for a few moments.

"You didn't tell me you have a wife."

Jamie smiled lightly as he continued to brush the horse, not looking at Claire, "Well, Lassie, ye never asked."

"Well, I would've liked to have been informed before I caught her sending me glares every five seconds."

Laughing, Jamie turned to face Claire with a large grin on his face, "I see ye've finally met Elizabeth. She's quite lovely isn't she."

"She is when she isn't glaring at me."

"Ah, yes. She's awfully good at holding grudges. Sadly, ye and I are on the end of that."

Sighing, Claire looked at Jamie before asking, "What's she like when she's not holding a grudge."

"Ah," Claire watched as Jamie's face lit up at the mention of his wife, "Elizabeth Fraser has to be one of the nicest people I know. Always ready to lend a hand, no matter what type of help is needed. She loves children, and I often caught her playing with them instead of helping around the farm."

"She sounds like a lovely woman."

"She is."

~8~

Elizabeth would have been lying if she said that she wasn't avoiding Jamie, or even Claire for the matter. For the past three days, Elizabeth had holed herself up in the Healer's room or stayed close to Glenna as she did her chores. She didn't want to be angry with Jamie, honestly. It was just hard for her to come to the realization that he had truly come 'home'... and had brought another woman with him. Sighing, Elizabeth placed the wet rag down and wiped her forehead, trying to clear the rancid thoughts from her head. She had seen Claire's frequent visits to Jamie in the stables and she couldn't help but rethink what Jamie had told her.

" _Nothing happened between Claire and me."_

Elizabeth couldn't help but scoff before angrily dunking her wet rag back into the bucket that was next to her. _If nothing happened, then why does Claire keep visiting you? Hmm, Jamie?_ Elizabeth thought as she furiously scrubbed the vase in her hands. The harder Elizabeth scrubbed, the quicker her anger turned into fear and sorrow. Jamie and she had been apart for _three_ years, and a lot had happened in those three years. Elizabeth didn't know if Jamie had changed in those three years. She didn't know if he remained faithful to her or if he strayed along the way. Sure, he said that nothing happened between him and Claire, but were there other women in his life that she didn't know about? Slamming the vase back onto the table, and breathing heavily, Elizabeth threw her rag into the bucket before picking it up and stalking out of the room. She knew the longer she dwelled on the thought of Jamie's possible infidelity, the more pain it would cause her and that it wouldn't solve any problems.

The bucket felt heavier as she carried it outside. Pushing open one of the many side doors, Elizabeth closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she felt the cool air brush her face. She stood there for a few moments, absorbing the breeze the playfully pulled at her loose curls and the sounds of horses, men-talking, and the children playing. The familiarity of the area around her helped calm her senses and push the dark thoughts away. Sighing, Elizabeth quickly tossed out the water before grabbing the basket at the side of the door and making her way towards the stables. Elizabeth huffed as she walked up the never-ending hill, cursing Glenna. Elizabeth rarely had to take lunch to the stable boys, but it seemed that as soon as Jamie had returned, Glenna had made it her goal to try and get Elizabeth to go up there at least once a week. Luckily, Elizabeth managed to catch a lad heading up and gave them the basket, warning them that if they ate it before they got there she would find them or tell Glenna and let her deal with them.

Slightly hiking up her skirt, Elizabeth took longer strides, nearly crying with joy as she saw the horses and the stables come into her view. Lightly swinging the basket in her hands, Elizabeth slowly walked towards the stables, hoping to catch anyone who was not Jamie. One of the things she loved about living on the farm was all the times she got to go ride the horses. The cool wind causing her eyes to water, her hair freely waving in the wind, her time to go wherever she wanted, whenever she wanted. Not even noticing, a gentle smile crept on Elizabeth's lips, but soon vanished as Claire's figure came into her view. Elizabeth halted and observed Claire. Immediately she noticed the basket in her hands and how there was a man walking behind her. Elizabeth narrowed her eyes as she noticed that Claire's moves became more frantic and that she was trying to get away from the man as quickly as possible. Whatever the man was saying was greatly troubling Claire.

Now, Elizabeth didn't like Claire, but that didn't mean she would watch as Claire was harassed. Taking a deep breath, Elizabeth quickened her pace and she soon saw the figure that stood behind Claire, trailing her closely.

"Claire," Elizabeth called out, watching as both heads whipped towards her small figure. Claire seemed to look relieved while the man, Rupert, seemed to look a bit peeved. Stopping in front of the two, Elizabeth brushed the stray wisps of her hair behind her ear, "I have been looking for ye everywhere."

"You have?" The shock and confusion were evident in Claire's voice and Elizabeth tried her best not to roll her eyes.

"Of course, didn't ye say that ye would help me prepare the meal for later tonight?"

"Oh, right." Turning to look behind her, Claire gave Rupert a cold glare, "I best be going."

Elizabeth only held out the basket and waited for Rupert to take it. She knew that Dougal had sent him to spy on Claire. The whole castle knew. Claire was a mysterious figure who had appeared and held the accent of a Brit. No one knew who she was, why she was here, and what her purpose was.

"Don't want to miss your meal now, do ye?" Elizabeth questioned, her true intentions evident as she forced the basket into Rupert's hand and gave him a cold glare, "Better make sure that everyone gets their share, don't want them coming and complaining to Glenna."

To say Claire was shocked was an understatement. For the past few days, she had noticed how Elizabeth had gone out of her way to purposely avoided, but now that she helping her escape Rupert, Claire didn't know what to say or to think. She watched as Rupert begrudgingly took the basket and headed back towards the stables. Claire jumped as she felt a hand lightly touch her shoulder and turned to meet Elizabeth's cool gaze.

"We should go." And with that Elizabeth had turned and headed down the hill, Claire hesitantly following.

~8~

The next night, Elizabeth stood cautiously in the great hall. She tried to get Glenna to excuse her from the events of tonight because she hated watching people get injured, but Glenna refused and told her that people were starting to notice her absence from these events. Elizabeth sighed and fidgeted with the strings of her golden-brown dress. Glenna had told her to wear one of her nicer dresses, and since Elizabeth only owned two nice dresses (one which was her wedding gown), she had decided on the dress that her sister had made her before she left.

Standing in the middle of the crowd, Elizabeth couldn't help but look to see if Jamie was standing on the other side of the hall. There was a vacant strip going down the middle, allowing Colum to have room to walk down and for whatever was going to be happening tonight. Elizabeth honestly didn't know why she had to attend tonight nor did she know what was going on. A sudden hand on her shoulder caused Elizabeth to gasp and turn around, slightly relaxing when she saw Jamie's face.

"What are ye doing?" Elizabeth hissed as she gently pulled Jamie's hand from her shoulder. Not many people knew that she was married to the nephew of Colum and Dougal.

Despite Elizabeth's harsh voice and cold eyes, the twinkle in Jamie's eyes only seemed to grow. He knew that she wasn't really mad at him, she was just confused about his sudden reappearance and the fact that he had brought a woman along with him.

"I was hoping that I could stand with my wife," Jamie responded, noticing the quick flicker of surprise in Elizabeth's eyes before she put her guard back up. Sighing, Elizabeth only pushed Jamie in front of her.

"Ye can't, but ye can stand in front of me." Elizabeth immediately straightened as the bagpipes began to play. Silence fell across the room as Colum and Dougal walked down the aisle and Colum took a seat in the chair, the bagpipes stopping.

As soon as the talking began, Elizabeth knew why she was here and she silently rolled her eyes. Twisting the ring around her finger, Elizabeth allowed the evening to pass by slowly, not mentioning anything when she noticed Jamie's attempts of trying to get closer to her by slowly backing up. She couldn't help but allow the blush rush to her cheeks when she caught him turning to gaze at her. The night seemed to pick up its pace as case after case came and went, happily settled; that was until Laoghaire MacKenzie was brought forth. Elizabeth's ears perked as her brother explained why she was here. Swallowing, she turned her to catch Jamie's gaze, not noticing the pair of prying eyes watching them.

" _Nach fiú smaoineamh faoi, Jamie_." Elizabeth tried to keep her eyes cold and guarded, but she knew that Jamie easily saw right through them. He knew that she was scared of the events that were about to occur. Laoghaire's brother had requested that she was to be punished for her loose behavior and Jamie knew that it pained and frightened Elizabeth to see people purposely be injured or be caused pain.

" _Nach bhfuil sé sin ceart_." Even though Elizabeth knew that Jamie had a point, she also knew that there was no reason for him to interfere. She knew what he was planning on doing, and as much as she loathed seeing people in pain, she _never_ wanted to see Jamie in pain.

" _Jamie, le do thoil_." Elizabeth begged, her eyes slightly watering, " _Nach é seo a_."

Jamie only ignored her pleads before walking out and standing before his uncles. Elizabeth inhaled deeply as she heard him state that he was willing to take Laoghaire's place and take the punishment instead, and swallowed as Colum agreed. Elizabeth bit her lip as Jamie chose to take fists over the strap and wanted Agnus to perform the punishment. Elizabeth caught Jamie's eye as he looked her way in the crowd and looked away, not because she was ashamed of his actions, rather that she was frightened of what would follow.

Elizabeth flinched as Agnus threw the first punch, hitting Jamie in the gut. As soon as Jamie straightened, Agnus threw the next one, hitting Jamie in the side. As the punishment dragged on, Elizabeth couldn't help but wince and flinch as though she was the one being punched. Elizabeth drew blood as she bit down on her lip when Jamie was punched in the face and a loud crunch echoed through the hall. Closing her eyes, Elizabeth didn't have to see to know that whatever Jamie had just spat out was blood. With a punch like that, a broken nose was the only diagnosis. As Elizabeth's eyes flickered back open, she could only stare in shock as Dougal gave a nod to continue the punishment and she immediately knew that something was wrong. When blood had been drawn, the punishment had ended, so why was Jamie's continuing.

As Angus reared his fist back, Elizabeth's eyes widened in horror as he sent a punch straight to his dislocated shoulder. A sharp gasp left Elizabeth's throat and echoed through the hall as Agnus punched Jamie across the face, causing him to fall to the floor. Elizabeth watched as Agnus helped Jamie up and as Jamie bowed to Colum. Before she could stop herself, Elizabeth had already walked to where Jamie stood as wrapped his good arm around her shoulder, helping him out of the room. She felt the stares from the people of the room, but she could care less at the current moment. Her _husband_ was hurt and needed her assistance.

Kicking open the door to the Healer's room, Elizabeth led Jamie over to the bed and gently sat him down on it. After making sure that he was comfortable, Elizabeth walked over to the bucket near the window and drew him a cup of water. Elizabeth handed him the cup before she headed towards the fireplace and dipped a clean rag into the warm water.

"What were you thinking, Jamie?" Elizabeth asked, lightly dabbing the wound on his cheek. She was too exhausted from the events that had just occurred to be angry at Jamie.

"It was the right thing to do, Liza. Imagine if it had been her." Jamie raised his cup to his lips and took a sip.

"If it had been her, she would have been punched in the face and that would've been all." Jamie winced as Elizabeth touched his nose, "It's not broken."

"See, I'm fine," Jamie grumbled before he grabbed her wrist, halting her actions. "I'm fine."

"I was so scared," Elizabeth finally admitted after a few moments of a heavy silence and she finally met Jamie's eyes. It was then that Jamie saw her true emotion. Her normally bright green eyes looked dark clouded as they stared into his bright blue ones. They seemed to constantly flicker around, looking at every part of his face to make sure that she hadn't missed a bruise, scrape, or cut.

"I'm okay, _a ghrá_." And with those simple words, Elizabeth finally broke down, allowing Jamie to pull her into his arms.

* * *

Translation

 _"Don't even think about it, Jamie."_

 _"This is not right."_

 _"Jamie, please. Don't do this."_

Sorry if these translations are incorrect. I used google translate.


	4. The Way Out

Elizabeth didn't hear the footsteps coming down the stairs as she scrubbed one of the bowls in the Healer's Wing, nor did she hear the cautious knock that was given before the door opened. Her mind had been so focused on Jamie, that she didn't notice that she had been cleaning the same pot for the past few minutes.

Everything was different now and Elizabeth knew that it was true. Nothing would ever be the same, but what was she supposed to do?

"Elizabeth," Elizabeth gasped and swung around, dropping the bowl and wincing when the shatter echoed through the room.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Claire apologized as she made a move to pick up the broken pieces of ceramic, but stopped when Elizabeth held up her hand.

"It's quite fine, lass." Elizabeth smiled before bending down to pick up the pieces, "You're not the only one to blame for this mess."

Claire nodded hesitantly but made no move to come closer. Since Claire's arrival three months or so ago, it had seemed that Elizabeth was finally opening it up. It wasn't a fast process, Claire noted as she watched Elizabeth throw the broken bowl away, but it was worth the while. Ever since Claire had found out that Elizabeth and Jamie were married, she wanted to know more about her. Claire couldn't picture a man like Jamie being married to a woman with such a cold exterior and Claire _knew_ that Elizabeth was just using it as a defense.

"How can I help you?" Elizabeth asked as she brushed her hands off before looking up at Claire.

"I was wondering," Claire looked around the medium-sized room, eyes taking in every detail, "If you can teach me about the medicine here?"

Elizabeth's ears perked at Claire's comment and she stared at the older woman in front of her. Elizabeth already had an inkling that Claire had had some sort of past with medicine, for she had seen the wrap that she had made Jamie, but she didn't know to what extent her knowledge was. A part of her had greatly wanted Claire to ask her about the herbs and roots she had used over the years because she wanted to get to know Claire for who she really was; after all, Claire did save her husband. However, another part of her wanted Claire to keep as far away from her as possible because she still found Claire a threat. Elizabeth wasn't going to lie, she knew that Claire was considered a very attractive woman, she had heard the remarks the men around the castle had made. And at the same time, she had arrived in very inappropriate clothes on the same horse as Jamie.

"Um, sure," Elizabeth said before reaching for the open book she had left on the table. Picking it up, she walked over towards Claire and handed her the open book. "There are many different roots and herbs around the castle and in the field around the village that are very useful. If you are every confused on how to concoct something, everything I've learned can be found in here. Here," Elizabeth's eyes quickly scrolled through the handwriting before landing on a note, "For a headache, take ye one ball of horse dung. It is to be carefully dried."

Elizabeth turned away from Claire and allowed her time to read some of her mother's notes as she filled up a metal pot with icy water. Struggling slightly, Elizabeth hung the pot over the low fire before adding more wood, knowing that she would need many sterilized clothes and clean materials. She had lived here long enough to know that on preparation days most of the accidents occurred.

"Claire," Elizabeth called as she held a small, grey jar in her hand, "Do ye happen to know what slaters are?"

"Slaters?" Claire questioned as she took the jar from Elizabeth's hand and turned to around. Quickly taking the lid off, Claire tilted the jar and shook out the contents before shrieking with a jump, dropping all the slaters onto the floor, much to Elizabeth's distaste as she dropped to the floor to pick them up. "Woodlice. Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ!"

"What was that?" Elizabeth asked, quickly stuffing the slaters into the jar and cursing when she saw some of them slip through the cracks in the wood.

 _Alongside the jars of pigeons' blood, ant eggs, and powdered human skull, whose, I wondered and not even Elizabeth knew, there were a number of herbs and extractions in Elizabeth's collection that might actually be helpful._

~8~

"Claire," Elizabeth said as she rushed down into the kitchen, trying to find her new helper. She had sent that girl off on one task and she had not returned for half an hour. Stopping as she entered the entrance of the kitchen, Elizabeth crossed her arms as she stared at Claire who was busily talking to Glenna.

"Claire," Elizabeth drawled, finally catching the attention of the two older women, "Mackenzie's waiting."

The two left the kitchen, walking quickly but not too fast to catch the attention of someone. Elizabeth had been taking care of the Mackenzie leader since she began working at the castle, but she had to earn his trust first. No one had believed that she was married to the leader's nephew until she had shown them the ring that was hanging on a piece of rope around her neck. The ring that had been Jamie's mother's. She opened the chamber door and ushered Claire inside before gently closing it and rushing back down the stairs to grab some clean clothes.

As she headed back up the stairs, Elizabeth quickly slammed her body against the side as a tailor ran down the steps, not noticing (or caring) that she was on the staircase. Elizabeth opened the door and walked in, smiling slightly when she saw that Colum was laying on the table and Claire was standing above him, ready to give him his massage.

"I massaged the base of your spine." Elizabeth heard Claire finish and she stared at her in confusion. Placing the clothes in the boiling fire, Elizabeth raised her eyebrow as she noticed that Colum had allowed Claire to massage the base of his spine.

"I offered to do that for ye years ago." Elizabeth commented as she tilted her head to the side, confused on why Colum was allowing Claire to massage him there. Sure, she had to see his backside, but it's not like she hadn't seen one before. Being a healer meant that sometimes you saw things you didn't want to see.

"Aye, but I didn't find it appropriate for my nephew's wife to staring at my ass." Colum remarked, giving a little chuckle at the end. Elizabeth rolled her eyes as she stirred the clothes in the water.

"Why would I stare at your ass?" Elizabeth questioned, glancing at Colum before muttering to herself, "When I can stare at Jamie's."

~8~

Elizabeth fidgeted in her seat as she took a sip of her wine. She was looking for Jamie through the crowd, though she was trying to be as discreet as possible, and she could feel her heart fluttering in her chest. After having a long talk with Glenna, who Elizabeth had stared to look up to as a mother, Elizabeth realized that Jamie wasn't the type of man to have an affair behind her back. He was only trying to do the right thing. So, with Claire to her left, Elizabeth subconsciously scooched away from the older woman, making room for Jamie.

Elizabeth's eyes connected with Jamie's and she gave him a smile, her smile growing when he returned it and headed towards her. Elizabeth couldn't help but check her dress and try to smooth any crinkles that could be there.

"Laoghaire. Mrs. Beauchamp. Liza." Jamie greeted as he sat in the cleared spot that Elizabeth had made for him. As the music started to play, Elizabeth's cheeks flushed as she felt Jamie's warm, rough hands grab her soft, but rough from work, ones. Jamie lazily drew circles on her knuckles as he listened to the music, enjoying being able to touch Elizabeth after all the years they spent apart.

Elizabeth wasn't aware of Laoghaire's flirting for she was too busy listening to the music that was being played. It reminded her of when her mother was alive and used to sing to her and her sister while they cleaned the house. Elizabeth thought her mother's voice had to be the best voice she had ever heard. It gracefully floated through her ears and she never sounded out of tune. Turning to Jamie, who had just finished conversing with Claire, Elizabeth held up her half-filled glass to him, silently offering him the rest of her drink. He accepted with a nod and glanced at Laoghaire from the corner of his eye.

"This dressing's been chafing me for days." Jamie whispered in Elizabeth's ear once the music ended and she looked at him, "Would you mind helping me with it?"

"Now?" Elizabeth asked as she raised her eyebrow at him, knowing that he could have come in any day for her to help him. Jamie raised his eyebrow and Elizabeth sighed, "All right, come."

Jamie followed Elizabeth out of the room, glaring at the men whose eyes landed a little too low for his liking. The walk up to the healer's wing was silent and the when the two entered the room, they headed different directions.

"I don't know why ye didn't come earlier," Elizabeth said as she grabbed a fresh linen and quickly dunked it in the warm pot, "I would've helped ye earlier."

Turning around, Elizabeth jumped in surprise when she saw that Jamie wasn't sitting on the stool but was resting on the wall next to her and was staring at her with a soft expression. Her eyes fluttered over Jamie's body as her mind calculated what was going on.

"Your dressing hasn't been bothering you, has it?" Elizabeth asked as she stared at Jamie who gave her a cheeky smirk, which caused her to blush.

"I've missed you, _mo ghrá_." Jamie's voice was low and it was then that Elizabeth truly looked into Jamie's eyes and took account of all the emotions that were swirling in them. Taking large steps, Elizabeth wrapped her arms around Jamie and pulled him close, smiling when he tightened the hug.

"I've missed you too, Jamie."

And with one quick motion, Jamie tilted Elizabeth's face and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

The bed was oddly warm which contrasted to all the nights she had slept in it cold. An odd weight laid heavily on her waist and for a moment, Elizabeth feared that someone had crept into her room while she had been sleeping. Elizabeth tensed in fear when the arm hugged her tighter and brought her closer to the warm, muscular body, and she readied her fist, about to fight the person, when an earthy smell met her nose. She knew that smell, for she had woken up to that sent many times before. It was a soothing combination of fresh soil, right after it had rained, mixed with lavender- the lavender oils that she always bought to wear.

 _Jamie_ , her mind sighed, and she subconsciously relaxed into the naked body next to her, remembering their previous night together. Oh, how much she had missed him and when she finally caved into his embrace, well, that's not a story for other's ears.

Elizabeth's heart pounded as she tried to slip out of bed without Jamie noticing, and when she did, the pounding drum relaxed back into a smooth, steady beat. Elizabeth dressed quickly for she did not want to be late or others would notice and ask questions. Questions that she was not allowed to answer. Taking one last glance at her husband- her _fear céile-_ Elizabeth quietly shut the door and hurried down the hall. Huffing, Elizabeth yanked the front of her dress up so that it no longer got caught between her legs, the old, blue fabric, she noted, needed repair desperately. She needed to get to Glenna's house today as quickly as she could. Glenna had told her that one of her nephews- Elizabeth thought it was her nephew but Glenna had such a big family it was sometimes hard to keep track- was going to be exorcised. But, Elizabeth knew better. Her nephew wasn't possessed, he was just ill. She had seen a person possessed once, and it did not look like her nephew.

"Claire!" Elizabeth called as she spotted the raven-haired beauty walking down the pathway. The harsh wind bit at Elizabeth's face but she ignored it and hurried over to Claire. "We're going to Glenna's house."

"But, why?" Claire asked, trying to keep up with the short woman's stride. The look of determination set on Elizabeth's face was unlike any look she had seen before. She knew about Glenna's family issues, and she also knew that Dougal wouldn't be too happy with her helping, "Why do you need me?"

"Ye know why." Elizabeth said, exasperated, but not bothering to look at Claire as they made their way down the cobblestone road, "You're different, Claire Beauchamp, and I don't know why, but, currently, I don't care. Your medical skills rival mine, maybe they're even better, but right now, there's a child who needs help, and you know what they need."

To say that Claire was shocked was an understatement. She had never thought that Elizabeth would speak such kind words to her- or even give her a compliment for the matter. But what worried her the most was that Elizabeth knew Claire was different. Even though everyone knew that she didn't belong here, Elizabeth knew that she didn't belong _here_. Claire had caught Elizabeth eyeing her as mixed different herbs into concoctions she had never seen before, or the surprise on her face when she was able to cure someone with a 'deadly' disease.

Elizabeth gently opened the door, allowing Claire to go in first, before closing the door softly behind her. Racing over to the bed where the child laid, Elizabeth placed her hand on his forehead as Claire spoke to Glenna. She heard snippets of their conversation but paid no mind to them, too focused on finding out what 'demon' was plaguing these children. Elizabeth turned away and let Claire look over the boy as she looked around the house for a bowl or cup. Luckily, Claire had brought a basket filled with herbs with her and, by the looks of it, they were exactly what Elizabeth needed. Now, if only she could find the water.

"He needs to be let out." Elizabeth heard Claire exclaim to Glenna as she tried to find water. So much was happening. The priest had arrived, the boy was being exorcised, Glenna wasn't listening, and she couldn't find the damned water! "Please, let me help him."

Elizabeth turned to Glenna and raised the bowl with the herbs in one hand while she pointed to Claire in another, " _Glenna, tá sí cruthaithe í féin. Cuir in iúl di chabhair. Tá súil agam léi,"_

When Glenna gave no response, and stared at Claire warily, Elizabeth relaxed the arm that held the bowl before dumping the herbs into Claire's basket. Without another word, Elizabeth sighed heavily before walking out the door, letting it slam behind her and not caring to heed to Claire's calls for her to slow down and stop.

~8~

"I must go, Jamie." Elizabeth whispered before Jamie's lips crashed down upon hers once again, moving rather hungrily. The two stood behind a pillar so no one could see them and Elizabeth was just about to get lost in the kiss when she heard footsteps heading towards them. "Jamie, I _must_ go."

"Can I come with ye?" Jamie whispered against her lip, pecking them softly, and Elizabeth rolled her eyes. Peeking around the corner, Elizabeth made sure that no one was there before nodding.

"Yes, but we need to go now."

The two strolled down the cobblestone road as they looked for Geillis Duncan's home, a woman whom Claire had become quite fond of. Elizabeth pitied the fact that Claire seemed to have a hard time making friends with the staff and didn't mention her disappearance. The only reason she was getting her now was because Dougal was heading back home and she didn't want to see Claire get berated by him again for misbehaving and so forth.

"Mistress Duncan. Mistress Beauchamp." Jamie's deep voice rumbled as he greeted the two women in the room, both noticing how he stepped to the side to cover Elizabeth's body from Geillis's view, but not bothering to say anything. If Elizabeth noticed, she didn't comment, it wasn't uncommon for people to wary of Geillis Duncan.

"Dougal was called back to Leoch," Elizabeth said, stepping partially outside Jamie's stance, "I thought it'd be best to come and get ye now."

"Mistress Beauchamp was just about to tell me of her unusual upbringing." Geillis said cheerfully and Elizabeth took a step back when she noticed Geillis's eyes flicker to her stomach, "I'm sure it's a good story. Why don't you have a glass of port and listen in?"

Elizabeth had been told the Geillis could see the future.

"More time, we would," Jamie glanced back to Elizabeth and noticed the distracted look on her face as she stared at Geillis's bright smile. Frowning, he turned back to face Geillis, "But we should leave, or we'll get naught but scraps for our dinner."

"Come, Elizabeth." The use of her full name caught Elizabeth's attention and she snapped out of whatever daze she had been in. They were already outside, but Elizabeth didn't remember leaving the house, nor did she remember Claire saying good bye.

"How much longer do you think he'll have to stay there?" Claire's voice was sharp, causing Elizabeth to look over to her with wide eyes. Claire's tone was bitter and spiteful, something Elizabeth had never heard before from Claire.

"He can leave anytime he wants. His hour is done." Jamie said, staring at the young boy sitting on the log. "It's just the lad's not got the courage to tear his ear from the nail."

"You mean he has to tear himself loose?" Claire asked, shocked at how barbaric the punishment was for such a young boy.

"Aye." Elizabeth's voice was soft as she gazed at the child, Geillis's actions playing over in her head, "He's just a bit nervous. He's probably seen this many times before, but I'm sure he'll be free soon."

Elizabeth's head was spinning and her heart was pounding. She didn't understand what was going on or what was causing her to act like this. Elizabeth turned to Jamie with wide eyes. "I'll be right back. Go one ahead without me, I'll meet ye at supper."

She was racing down the streets before Jamie could say anything and when she came across the furnished wooden door, Elizabeth gave three harsh knocks. The surprise in Geillis's eyes was apparent, but Elizabeth could care less.

"Ye know something important."


End file.
